If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
