I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
