He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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