we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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