i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am never drinking with the goths again.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
