Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
