You made me cry and you don't even care
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
