Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
