thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
