we made out on top of his cat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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