Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
