Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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