I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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