I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
