Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
