my soul wont recognize me after tonight
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You're like the curious george of whores
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
