I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
