Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
