I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
