hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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