remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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