The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
