look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
