One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
