Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
