remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize