Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
