Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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