i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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