ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
