Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize