They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We have started to decorate penises.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
