Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
