I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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