Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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