I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
