Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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