Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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