in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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