i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
