So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
