just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
