HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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