so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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