She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
