Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's get the cat blown out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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