My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
