we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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