By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.