So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
