I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
