I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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