Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
