fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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