so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
