I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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