well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
