problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
