I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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