i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
