Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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