i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
