Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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