i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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