I will die if light touches me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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