i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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