Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
