My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
