I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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